I was a complete pig today. I ate so much stupid shit... chocolate, candy, picked out someones french fries. I so wanted to purge but wasn't able to. I took 4 laxatives, 2 during the day and 2 while i was out at night. I'm such a failure. At least I went to the gym and was on the elliptical for an hour... hopefully that helps everything.
I will never get better. I will never have control over my moods and I will never be healthy. The people around me everyday would have no clue how incredibly disturbed I am. I think about death all the time. I look in the mirror and want my body to eat itself away.
How can I make that happen?
Weighed myself at 7p tonight and was back up to 125. I hate the scale, I want it to die. Almost as much as I want to die myself.
Monday 4/9/12 Total calories= probablyaround 1000
Coffee x2,
1 egg
Bean Chili
Special K Bar
hot chocolate
tea
mini chocolate bunny
5 mini cadbury eggs
special k bar
mentos
picking at food at bowling
Also, I've decided to start going down on my meds... wish me luck!
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