Depressed

I took opiates on Friday night and went into an alternate universe... it was nice and awful.  I pretty  much have been sleeping since and have had no control over anything.  I slept all day, woke up, ate (some were healthy, some lacked substance and were totally unnecessary) and I didn't work out.  Yesterday was supposed to be a weigh-in day and a hardcore exercise day because Friday was such a waste.

My body feels disgusting.  Like every part of me feels heavy, weighed down, puffed up.  IDK what to do.  I'm really depressed and I don't even have the energy to purge or cut.

Later today I leave for a business trip and I'm not back until Tuesday night. When I travel for work my eating gets out of control.  I'm usually really stressed so lots of b/ps happen.  I'm going to need you all so much the next few days or everything is going to completely unravel.

A part of me wants to quit my job so that my ED can be my full-time life. But... yesterday may be a glimpse of what would happen if I didn't work.

I'm going to try to get to the gym today before I leave... today was my 118 goal day... I'm so nervous and have been crying all morning.

Make me strong.  Make me thin.